Friday, April 30, 2010

A Divine Revelation

On several occasions, people have asked me when the first time was that I realized I was a dancer. I tell them this story. It was such a life-altering experience that I have devoted two pages to it in my soon-to-be-released memoir, THE NIGEL SESSIONS... UNLEASHING SACRED DESIRE. The following is an excerpt, pages 64-66:

"The anxious exhilaration I feel driving to Session #2 is similar to that of when I drove to Session #1, only this time it feels even more like an acid trip. I did a lot of LSD in college (in Amish country, Lancaster, Pennsylvania) and there were many times when my hippie friends and I would stay up all night and have wonderful, crazy trips together. To help focus my mind as I make my way to Nigel's land, I get to thinking about those fun days.

There was one very memorable trip in which I had a profound realization of my destiny. It was in the middle of the summer of 1975. I was between my sophomore and junior year of college and this was right before I left for Bangor, Wales for a one-year-abroad program. It was midnight and about six of us were mightily tripping and full of energy. One of my friends worked as a part-time secretary at a Protestant Church and had the keys to it, so we gathered some musical instruments and snuck into the Chapel.

The Chapel itself was unpretentious and elegant. The sides of the room had exquisite stained-glass and on the floor was a wall-to-wall deep red carpet. On a raised platform toward the front was a simple wooden altar with a Bible that rested upon it. We set-up and began to play guitars, hand drums, tambourines, rattles and even the Church’s ornate organ. I remember the sound of the music being huge, sumptuous and fantastic.

I was so inspired by the music and the beauty of the room that I began to dance... stately at first and then wildly, with full expression and abandonment! I had just purchased a beige antique shawl from the late 1800's at a local flea market and used this as a prop as I twirled, gyrated, pulsed and leaped around the altar. Everything I did was perfectly timed with the music and seemed to be sublimely connected to Universal Spirit.

When the music suddenly and climatically stopped, I released the fancy flesh-colored, floral-patterned shawl and it fell into a perfect semicircle around the altar. At the same instant I dropped dramatically to the floor landing flat on my back with my feet underneath. It was then-- at that impeccable moment-- that I had a major realization: I AM A SACRED TEMPLE BELLY DANCER! It was as if I had remembered this from a past life because the dance came to me so naturally and effortlessly. I knew that being a priestess belly dancer was in my destiny for this life as well. The dance movement I had done, I found out years later, had a name; it is called a Turkish Drop.

This revelatory moment wasn’t just in my head. Everyone was enthralled at the time and also in awe the following day when we were lounging, recouping our energy and recollecting our trips-- something we usually did after one of these drug experiences. We were laughing about how when the cops came we were able to hide in the church pews and sneak out before they caught us. And then everyone mentioned my dance and how much it moved them.

I have often wondered what my life would have been like if I hadn’t done LSD. Would I have become the psychologist I had originally intended to be?"


And so, Illuminating the Dark blog reader, I ask you, have you ever had such a Divine Revelation about your own life?... a moment in time when your destiny has been revealed to you and your life is changed forever?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Bound by Love

(Attention Readers: this is a continuation of the last post. So, if you haven't already, I suggest that you first read the last couple of blog entries for some background info on East Indian Sahajiya love relationships.)

Ah yes... the After Session #20 Session with Will. This experience is way different and yet just as sexy as the one with Nigel. I'll get into some delectable details in a moment, but first some words about my marriage.

My husband Will is my partner in art and life. If being with Nigel is dreamy, other-worldly and surreal, then being with Will is concrete, deeply nourishing and very fucking real. We share a house, chores, two children, a bank account, orgasms, coffee, opinions, emotions, dance shows, birthdays and projects of all kinds. He is my best friend and worst foe. We've been on this karmic roller coaster journey with each other for over thirty years now, so I guess you could call him my first-- and only-- mate. I love Will... even when we are not speaking to each other.

The Sahajiyas designed a religion that has at its core the pursuit and exaltation of an open love affair with someone other than one's spouse. Our culture generally does not condone such things--in fact, it's one of the biggest reasons for divorce. Someone fucks someone else and the entire shebang falls apart. How absurd!!! Think about it, the whole life that a couple has built for themselves goes to hell because intimacy was shared with another. Ridiculous! I believe that it is the LIES that kill the marriage. No one wants to feel like they have been "whamboozled," the pain cuts too deep and it destroys. Just think about all those celebrity affairs in the news these days. Pathetic.

Honesty is an absolute must if an outside Sahajiya relationship is to be developed. Only then can one reap the rewards of desire for the unfamiliar fulfilled-- of Divine Love expressed for its own sake alone, without the entanglements of marriage. In this regard, I have been fortunate enough to be married to a man who has always been open-minded and with whom I can be brutally honest.

I knew from the start of our courtship that Will was a person who was very savvy when it came to sexuality and matters of the heart. During this time, we both dated other people. Will never got jealous (it was a lot harder for me!). In fact, I had another boyfriend until just a couple of weeks before our marriage. Will was fine with allowing me to keep the boyfriend even after our marriage, but before that could happen the boyfriend broke up with me (at Trudy's Mexican restaurant no less, after enumerating all of my character flaws!) I came home and cried and it was Will who comforted me by saying, "Don't worry Sophia, I love you and we ARE getting married soon!" That's how liberal thinking he was and still is. Now, this doesn't mean that Will is a wimpy pushover-- far from the truth. Will always demands that he be given "his due." I can do what I want as long as he never feels short-changed.

I am greatly appreciative and it is in this spirit that I make the drive home from Nigel's land after Session #20. I'm feeling happy and energized from my exhilarating evening, but that nagging emptiness-- that murky void-- that began when I woke up has now become golf-sized in the center of my belly. I'm not worried because I know that Will is the man to fill it up-- he knows all about energy and how to wield it. He's my King of Wands.

When I walk in the door, I can smell the delicious coffee that Will has just made. We share a lot of caffeine brew together-- a personal ritual between us. He hands me my cup and I take a sip. As soon as I lower the cup down to the counter he immediately grabs my wrists, presses them together behind my back and passionately kisses me. Sometimes when Will kisses me this intensely-- and I'm not ready for it-- I will resist. It can feel too much like an invasion and can even trigger anger in me... but not today. Today I am full of gratitude and love. My mouth, tongue and throat surrender completely. Our kisses are full of depth and commitment. I find myself sucking in his breath. I am aware of the prana-- the yogic breath life force-- that is being generated between us. With each gulp I feel myself inflating, settling down, centering... I am home.

We drink and chat. He talks about his fiasco during the morning with the teens-- how Peter was worried about me and wouldn't go to school until he heard my voice on the answering machine and how Melissa was pissed-off when he truthfully told her where I was in answer to her inquiry as to my whereabouts the night before. I realize it's not easy on these kids. I look forward to doing damage control in the form of some good one-on-one time spent with each of them. I then go on to tell Will all about my evening. I especially expound upon the highlights of my beautiful orgasmic experience. Sparing no details, I dramatize the events and establish the story that I will eventually tell to several of my girlfriends who love getting first-hand accounts of my Nigel Sessions.

Will's just happy to have me back. He keeps referring to me as his "tart wife." I realize that this is a big turn-on for him and plays into why he's so good with the jealousy factor. He enjoys fucking me after I've been fucked by someone else all night! But there are other factors as well. Will actually likes Nigel and thinks that he is a good, hard-working guy. Will also appreciates Nigel because he sees how happy I am when I get to express myself in that special hermaphroditic way... and that happiness spreads into our marriage. Thank Goodness! I know that if I didn't have Will's approval, my Sahajiya relationship would simply not happen. It'd be too hard.

After our second cup, Will looks at me intensely with those hazel-brown eyes and says, "You know what I want... go get one." I say nothing and immediately run upstairs, rummage through our messy closet and pull out a 4-yard long bright yellow satin sash, a sometimes dancing prop of mine. It's only about 6 inches in width and it looks like a huge golden ribbon. I return. Will takes no time in pulling off all of my clothes. He swiftly and nimbly ties one end of the sash around my waist, secures it in the back and pulls the bulk of it down my sacrum and then up through my pussy lips. He then knots it in front to the belt he's just created. With the remaining end (stick with me here, 'cause I really want you to visualize the artistry of this!) he ties each of my hands about a foot-and-a-half apart. If I pull up on my arms it tugs the waist which tightens the groove in my pussy. I feel controlled yet in control.

We are standing and I put my bound arms behind Will's neck. He bites my shoulder while stretching and pulling different parts of the slinky love contraption. My one pussy lip swells up and pops out from the side of the sash. He enjoys exploring the tight space it makes and then dives his fingers into my very wet nether region. I love it!

"Probably best to leave my ass alone, it's a little sore," I tell him, "but my pussy needs some good plowing." Will has no problem with this. He absolutely loves my pussy and is happy to give it to me just like I want it. Yet this fuck's for him. It's pay back time and I want him to have the ride of his life. I do this with full love and gratitude. Maybe the Sahajiyas knew something smart about marriage. Maybe they knew that if prema-- Divine Love-- was attained from a ritualized outside love affair, that it could be used to enliven and enrich the commonness of matrimony. I think that this must be true. The prema I experienced from the night before has gestated inside me and my heart is now wide open. I want to give of myself completely.

He throws me on the living room couch. Taking my bound arms and placing them behind my knees, I find myself in a tight yoga ball. He has a beautiful, light-brownish full-sized cock and adeptly maneuvers it into my mouth. My throat yields like it did with Nigel, no resistance. It's not long before Will is throbbing and ready to plunge deep into my core. I'm not feeling the need to cum, so I tell him to go for it, unleash it on me. I'll get my orgasm later when my cum reservoir builds back up and I ask him for his fabulous head-giving skills-- he's the best at this, a total pro!

He pulls aside the part of the sash that has rested in my pussy folds, enters me and begins his ride. My pussy is hungry for him and he knows it. I am rolled, bound and free! I hold on for dear life as I get caught up in the whirl of ecstasy and ascend to paradise with him. Right before he cums, he exclaims, "Look at me! Look at me Sophia!" I do and I see a man completely and utterly in love. I am filled-up with Will's strong essence, enduring life-force and fierce passion. The dark void inside me is now completely gone. I love this man with all my heart. He sustains me like the earth I walk upon.

"So who gets to tie you up, Sophia? Who?... now who?" he says smugly, as I rest my head in his chest and his facile fingers release me from my love cuffs.

"You Babe, only you...," I promise.

"Yeah, because that's the husband's job and nobody else gets to do it."