Monday, December 28, 2009

Bring on the light!

I am, amongst many things, a writer who is compelled to tell the truth. I intend this blog to bring light to those who are seekers of experiencing life directly and feeling it fully. Everything I say here will be true with the exception that I am using a pen name so as not to upset or piss-off my family and friends; I have changed their names as well. I will discuss many things in ILLUMINATING THE DARK, but the top three are sexuality, autism and belly dance. I will also, at times, delve into the subjects of yoga, wicca, bipolar disorder, aging, family, staying healthy and whatever the hell else comes to mind. 

For this first post, let's start with sexuality. And let's start with mine. For the longest time I thought that I was really weird. I have always liked being a woman and love to fuck using straight conventional sex. Mysteriously though, I found having orgasms this way impossible unless I fantasized that I was a homosexual man. For many years, the height of my sexual ecstasy was when I imagined my husband's penis was my virtual penis and I was squirting virtual cum in a beautiful blond gay guy's virtual ass. But the cum I actually had was not virtual, it was real, always real. I eventually became addicted to these type fantasies because I knew they could flip whatever the switch in my brain was that released my orgasms. To this day, the homosexual man who lives inside me rules when it comes to my cums.

So, for twenty-eight years I lived with this secret about myself, save for my husband Will and a couple of close friends. Finally, after years of self-exploration and empowerment at wicca retreats (nature-based spiritual camps), I came to terms with myself about my sexuality. Call it synchronicity, call it serendipity, but shortly thereafter the Good Goddess made manifest to me the beautiful blond man of my dreams in real life... and his name was Nigel. So, at the ripe age of 50-years-old I began a wild, fantastic and "completely condoned by my husband" affair in which I pumped, prodded, poked and penetrated Nigel with an assortment of gorgeous strap-ons. I was surprised to find that I was actually a "switch," someone who likes both ends of things, so I was pumped, prodded, poked and penetrated by Nigel in return. Our lovemaking was the most egalitarian sex I have ever experienced with the lines between male and female, dominant and submissive, giver and receiver constantly and fluidly shifting. The affair was such an exhilarating turning point in my life, that I penned a full-length memoir documenting the whole thing. It's called "THE NIGEL SESSIONS... Unleashing Sacred Desire." I plan on publishing it Spring 2010 and will be posting excerpts from it on this blog from time-to-time.

More on all of this later... enough for the first post. My moment has arrived. I have finally lifted my lantern and am beginning my journey through the Infinite Internet. Follow if you will. My sincere intention is that my light shine on truth and that the truth be in the highest good for all.