My Sahajiya Lover

By now it must be apparent to you that I don't live a conventional life. I'm not purposely trying to live outside the mainstream, I'm only trying to be authentic and true to myself. For the past several years, a series of self-awakenings have led me to make certain choices which have led me down this particular path of eroticism. So I ask that you have an open mind and follow me on this journey of my Sahajiya Lover... it's a path of the juicy and the divine.

Let me begin by explaining what I have come to know about the Sahajiya religious cult. First of all, it is a philosophy that came into popularity in the Bengal region of India in the 16th century. It has roots in both Buddhism and Hinduism and is very tantric by nature; in this respect, it still exists today. It's followers believe that every object has an internal and external form and that the "sahaja," or internal form, is eternal and is an expression of Divine Love. They believed that the simplest and most direct way to experience the eternal is through bodily love.

The story of the romance between the Hindu God Krishna and his consort Radha is central to the Sahajiya philosophy. It is an intense, romantic and unconventional love that exists between a man and a woman who are bound together by the ideal of love for love’s sake. Never is Radha depicted as Krishna's wife. She is always another cowherd's wife or Krishna's favorite fuck-able milk-maiden. Hence, followers of the Sahajiya philosophy believe that sex between partners who are specifically NOT married to each other is the spiritual path towards experiencing exalted Divine Love.

But what about marriage, you may ask? In Sahajiya thought, marriage is not considered the highest ideal of love in so far as the intensity of emotion is concerned. Long association and acquaintance tend to kill the strange mystery of the "other" which is essential to creating a blissful, transcendent experience. With marriage, social convention and a legal binding take away much of the extreme passion. In a sense marriage, by its very nature, is mundane. Therefore the highest ideal of human love-- called "parakiya" love according to Sahajiya philosophy-- is the love that exists most privately between couples who are absolutely free in their love from any consideration of loss and gain, who defy society and transgress the law and make love the be-all and end-all of life. In this school of thinking, the most erotic, blissful, out-of-the-ordinary sexual love is always cultivated in a relationship apart from marriage.

Herein lies the story of Nigel and myself. I like to think of Nigel as my Sahajiya Lover. (I have no idea of what Nigel thinks about all of these ideas, this is totally my take on our relationship!) In my first post I briefly explained how important Nigel has been to me. He's not my husband and I have none of the normal marital ties with him. We have no children together, no mortgage, bills, legal or social responsibilities to each other. Our communication in between sessions is very limited. However, when I go see Nigel at his remote place in the country our purpose together is clear: we are with each other to explore the highest realm of eroticism. It's not just the gender-bending and the special way I get to fuck Nigel, it's also about the way that I've had my energy blasted wide open when we have been together. I have to say that I've attained states of consciousness with him that seem-- upon reflection-- other-worldly to me. During our sessions, it's like I have gone to the supra-natural blissful land of Vrindavan, where Krishna and Radha exist.

The Sahajiya emphasize the importance of the body and believe that it "embodies" the Universe. I think the main reason that Nigel is so special to me is the way that he is connected to his ass and the way that he has connected me to mine. From him I have learned that the ass is a wonderful thing. Before being with him, the ass meant something shameful, dirty, bad to me... you know, the asshole of the body... stinky, smelly and best not-thought-about. To say the least, I was disconnected from mine. Nigel, through our sessions together, has shown me how our asses can be squeaky clean, open, exhilarating and totally pleasurable! It is self-knowledge to the extreme. Somehow going in deep, opened me up to myself and to a greater reality. I feel so empowered knowing I can fuck with my ass and also fuck another's. I feel reunited with a part of myself that was previously cut-off and maligned. After a session with Nigel I feel connected to myself, to him and to the Universe... and yes, I feel ETERNAL. Well, I guess you can call me a big ANAL ADVOCATE and that my path to enlightenment has been through a dark tunnel.

So what exactly is a session with Nigel like? You can read about it in my up-and-coming memoir THE NIGEL SESSIONS ... UNLEASHING SACRED DESIRE. I cover our first 10 sessions together and the whole roller coaster ride of emotions that went with them. It's due out this summer. Or, you can keep reading this blog because my next post will talk about the latest session, #20 to be exact, that happened last week. It was a wild one!