THE THREE T'S OF GIVING GREAT HEAD TO WOMEN

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URGE, SUBMERGE, VERGE, EMERGE: THE BIRTH OF MY BOOK

I’m back!!! I know it’s been nine months since last I wrote and I apologize for this. The final stage of manifesting my book into this reality has taken all my creative focus.

And yes, success!!! I am proud to announce that The Nigel Sessions . . . Unleashing Sacred Desire will be ready in just a few days for your biblio consumption. What a fascinating, fabulous journey this has been! I am presently on the threshold of the next phase of this authorship process-- promoting and marketing. In other words, now that the baby is born, I’ve got to raise it.

But first, here’s a mini-synopsis of the process thus far. Many years ago-- at least fifteen I believe-- I began saying that I wanted to write a book. People would always tell me that I had really good stories, so I figured that one day I’d sit down and write about my unique perspective on life. The imaginary book had a working title of Sophia Agapedis on Sex, Yoga, Belly Dancing and Autism. In format, it would be loosely based on Mae West’s memoir that I have always loved and read way back in the 1970’s, Mae West on Sex, Health and ESP.

The inspiration to write, however, never happened until my sexual relationship with Nigel began in 2004-- yes, for sure, he was my muse. That first year of our affair, I was on an adrenaline roller coaster ride of such dramatic proportions that I knew that I had better start some intense journaling to chronicle it lest I forget the details. This was the URGE to write, that first diligent, constant effort to get pen to paper. I think I must have filled at least ten thick journals in the five year span of our affair, which ended last spring (sad, but true! I’ll talk about that in another post) right after that phenomenal Session #20 (a few posts ago, read it, hot!). Even though my sex with Nigel was my inspiration to write, my book actually does include a lot of my ideas on yoga, belly dancing, autism, and some phenomenal sex scenes with my husband Will and others as well.

I began the actual Nigel Sessions book a year into the affair and that was the beginning of the SUBMERGE part. The process of write, rewrite, write, rewrite has been one of self-actualization to say the least; memoir as a Buddhist practice! I’ve learned so much about myself with every revision. Actually, I've gotten nicer and nicer as I stripped away my angst and uncovered the core truth of what I wanted to say. What an adventure! I have felt on the VERGE of completion now for quite awhile, with me thinking that each of these last revisions was the final one. Yeah, it feels like it's been a long, long awaited cum and I’m about to shoot for the moon!

The last three weeks have been especially challenging because the book was actually published online for several days and some friends have already bought it. But when I got my galleys (two prototype books, soft and hard cover) for final approval before the big printing, I found some small changes that needed to happen (spelling, grammar, couple of needed sentences here and there). So I am awaiting those final corrections to be done and it should be available online next week sometime. It’s kind of like having a newborn in the neonatal unit; I want to take that baby home!!!

Still, I couldn’t wait to let you all know that The Nigel Sessions . . . Unleashing Sacred Desire is about to EMERGE! In a few days I’ll also have a 7-page excerpt up for you to read-- but you know you want to buy it! Right!!!

Here’s the URL so you can at least check out the web site.

http://www2.xlibris.com/books/webimages/wd/75656/

I have to say I am very proud of this baby. It’s been five years in the making and I’ve never put so much energy into one art project. So please, buy it, read it, and if you like it, TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS TO BUY IT! (only the open-minded ones, of course.)

Now that the book is done, I’ll be writing in this blog more and will keep you posted about future book readings and signings.

Namaste,
Sophia

The Wonderful, Wacky, Weirdo World of Autism...Trip to Detachment

I had a dream for my life. I wanted to be a healer, vital artist and force for good in the world. I also wanted to be married with a family. To a large extent I have successfully achieved this vision, but like so many things in life, I also got a lot more than I bargained for. Specifically, I got a son, now 18, who has a full-blown case of autism. His name is Peter.

I hate it when people say, "God must have known you could handle it, that's why He gave you an autistic child." Please, don't say that to anyone. NO ONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD CHOOSE TO HAVE AN AUTISTIC CHILD!!! However I must agree, if learning to be more patient, more compassionate and more DETACHED from prescribed expectations is something my cosmic soul had to get in this lifetime, then a child with autism was a brilliant gift. It has forced me to be way nicer than I was ever meant to be.

Life with an autistic person is akin to living with someone on acid 24/7. For them, everything is shifted to the left, right, center, up, down, nowhere, everywhere and the usual common agreed upon reality that we all trust to BE reality has no foundation, wall or roof. Just when we think we have a grip on his condition, Peter will manifest some new behavior ranging from wonderful to terrible to funny to downright heartbreaking. Parenting him is a trip that never ceases to amaze me.

Now I'm not talking high-functioning Asperger's Syndrome here, I'm talking the kind of autism where everything is going great and out-of-the-blue your adult-sized child shrieks like a banshee and violently smacks himself in the head as hard as he can with both hands; SIBS, or Self Injurious Behaviors, is what they are called. "Shriek! Crack! Crack! Shriek! Crack! Crack!" It's horrible. We feel like we are living in a mine field never knowing when a bomb will go off. Frustrated, we are still in the process of trying to figure out where this latest round of freakiness is coming from. It's pretty new, just manifesting this Fall.

Could it be the effects of puberty and testosterone? Or maybe it's sub-clinical seizures, the kind that happen quietly without the convulsions. Or it could be another disorder that's coupled with the autism, like Tourette's or Bipolar syndrome, because that scenario does happen with some frequency and there's Bipolar in my family. Or is it Exposure Anxiety? ...a chronic fight-or-flight response brought on by changes in the environment. And which neurotransmitter is out of balance? Is it norepinephrine, serotonin or dopamine? I feel like we are always guessing and the experts don't know much more and offer little guidance. Our son Peter is an ongoing experiment and the last thing my husband and I want to do is to cause more problems with ineffectual therapies and medications. I'll never forget several years ago when we gave him a dose of secretin, a pig hormone that was being lauded as the latest and greatest cure for autism. Several hours after the injection he had an obvious seizure (never happened before) and he was noticeably depressed and upset for six weeks. My desperation for a cure scared the hell out of me.

The Universe is a funny thing, however, and there is some light. As despondent as our situation with Peter seems to be, one evening on You-Tube set me straight. I viewed video clips of very severe, completely non-verbal autistic teenagers being tied down to chairs, wearing helmets and protective gloves to prevent them from inflicting permanent injuries on themselves. "Oh my God," I thought, "that's really bad." Everything was put in perspective. At least Peter is loving and can speak (short sentences). And when he's not having a SIBS attack he's got lots of skills- always helping with the grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning and food preparation. (His salads are awesome!) So for now, my Buddhist sense of detachment has kicked in and I am, for the most part, able to keep from freaking-out. I can stand back and observe our situation with intelligent compassion. It helps to have a strong, sturdy mate to lean on. I really depend on my husband Will's indomitable spirit.

I don't know what straight, rigid, right-wing religious families do with their autistic children who break all the rules of life. For myself, I am thankful for all those hits of acid I did in college that opened my mind up to viewing reality from a different angle. Little did I know that the hand of Destiny was preparing me for my future and the trip of my life.

Bring on the light!

I am, amongst many things, a writer who is compelled to tell the truth. I intend this blog to bring light to those who are seekers of experiencing life directly and feeling it fully. Everything I say here will be true with the exception that I am using a pen name so as not to upset or piss-off my family and friends; I have changed their names as well. I will discuss many things in ILLUMINATING THE DARK, but the top three are sexuality, autism and belly dance. I will also, at times, delve into the subjects of yoga, wicca, bipolar disorder, aging, family, staying healthy and whatever the hell else comes to mind. 

For this first post, let's start with sexuality. And let's start with mine. For the longest time I thought that I was really weird. I have always liked being a woman and love to fuck using straight conventional sex. Mysteriously though, I found having orgasms this way impossible unless I fantasized that I was a homosexual man. For many years, the height of my sexual ecstasy was when I imagined my husband's penis was my virtual penis and I was squirting virtual cum in a beautiful blond gay guy's virtual ass. But the cum I actually had was not virtual, it was real, always real. I eventually became addicted to these type fantasies because I knew they could flip whatever the switch in my brain was that released my orgasms. To this day, the homosexual man who lives inside me rules when it comes to my cums.

So, for twenty-eight years I lived with this secret about myself, save for my husband Will and a couple of close friends. Finally, after years of self-exploration and empowerment at wicca retreats (nature-based spiritual camps), I came to terms with myself about my sexuality. Call it synchronicity, call it serendipity, but shortly thereafter the Good Goddess made manifest to me the beautiful blond man of my dreams in real life... and his name was Nigel. So, at the ripe age of 50-years-old I began a wild, fantastic and "completely condoned by my husband" affair in which I pumped, prodded, poked and penetrated Nigel with an assortment of gorgeous strap-ons. I was surprised to find that I was actually a "switch," someone who likes both ends of things, so I was pumped, prodded, poked and penetrated by Nigel in return. Our lovemaking was the most egalitarian sex I have ever experienced with the lines between male and female, dominant and submissive, giver and receiver constantly and fluidly shifting. The affair was such an exhilarating turning point in my life, that I penned a full-length memoir documenting the whole thing. It's called "THE NIGEL SESSIONS... Unleashing Sacred Desire." I plan on publishing it Spring 2010 and will be posting excerpts from it on this blog from time-to-time.

More on all of this later... enough for the first post. My moment has arrived. I have finally lifted my lantern and am beginning my journey through the Infinite Internet. Follow if you will. My sincere intention is that my light shine on truth and that the truth be in the highest good for all.